Christmas Music Horns

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There’s something tedious about musical recitals. Last night my daughter-in-law said that she hates them. I think that anyone with or without a good ear can learn to hate them. My daughter-in-law has a very good musical ear so she hates them Double Dutch.Besides, her family of 15 performs around Southern Idaho. All the kids but the three youngest take music. That leaves her with 10 kids who are taking music lessons on one or more instruments. You can see why she is tired of recitals.

I took my thirteen Idaho grandkids and five adults to the Golden Coral® Restaurant last night. Tuesday night is Family Night and you can feed a child for $1.99! My total bill was about $100 plus a $30 tip for the poor soul who had to service us.

Cheap!

After we slopped the kids we went to a musical recital.

Watching for migrating polar bears looking for warmer weather, we slid into the parking lot of the musical store that was hosting the recital.

Author’s note: Despite what the Coke® ads say, Polar Bears and Penguins don’t live together. Polar bears=Arctic, Penguins=Antarctic. Coke® is messing with your children’s brains.

No polar bears have been sited in Idaho this winter. If this cold spell continues, it is only a matter of time.

Recitals never start on time. Ours not only didn’t start on time, extra numbers were inserted. Since extra Christmas music was added, the students were allowed to use sheet music for those numbers.

Unfortunately, the students are not able to sight read at this early stage of development. Only the teachers can sight read music. That’s because all of those blasted little black marks are too small to read, there are too many of them, and you have to know what they mean.

I’ve always though there is a God because some people can read sheet music. First the brain has to say, “What is that? Oh! It’s a note! What does the note mean? Oh! It’s a ‘C.’ Let’s see, Every good boy does fine. Now to find that on the keyboard, flute hole, fiddle string, etc. Oh! Here it is. Now I’ll give it a stroke, a tap, a flick and out will come a ‘C.’” All this thinking has to be done ahead of time.

It’s the reverse of Morse code. In Morse code coming in at 20 words-per-minute you listen to the code, decide what letter it is, and write or type the letter down. By the time you get to recording the letter, five other letters have come in and are being interpreted. Only the gifted can read more than 10 words-per-minute. That’s why they removed the code from Amateur Radio Operator exams.

See! There is a God!

You can say, “God,” here in Idaho. You also can still say, “Christmas,” except at the atheistic Wal-Mart® stores. Anyway, I have a boycott there. They make really old people work.

Oh, yes! Music!

A recital is a torture chamber for the students and their relatives. Nobody else ever comes unless it’s another music teacher who has nothing to do.

The teachers claim that the purpose of a recital is to give the students experience in playing in public.

Well, most of the students don’t want to play in public, will never ever be asked to play in public, or will be shot if they actually play in public (but not by their families who seldom shoot their own kids).

The rule of the recital is the worst first, the best last. Sometimes you can actually tell the difference. The last performers tend to be older teens that have had more than three lessons.

I might mention here that a dance recital is to be avoided at all cost.

In the Revolutionary War you could pay someone to serve for you. Give a few bucks to a vagrant on the street and have him attend the dance recital for you. He will want to get out of the cold to take a snooze. Of course he won’t be able to sleep, but don’t tell him that. It’s all that tapping, tapping, tapping that will not only keep him awake but drive him bonkers.

The vagrant will be able to do something that you can’t do. He can flee!

Don’t try to hire a panhandler to be your substitute. They go to school to learn how to make their 500 bucks per day. They will just shrug you off. Some will say, “Are you kidding? A dance recital!”

When a music student makes a mistake in the first stanza you know that things will get worse. One trick is to claim that you have an ear infection (common here in Idaho with the polar bears and all). Stuff your ears with cotton.

It does help.

My wife uses those ear plugs she wears while swimming her 70 laps everyday.

A bad pianist, horn blower, violinist, guitar player, and especially a drummer, will make you say to yourself, “Will this blasted piece ever end?” That’s the time to brace your self for more horror.

Recitals just never end!

Eventually the recital will reach the point where your little darling is playing.

If she does poorly, you can slide under your chair by slowly sliding forward on your seat until your butt drops to the floor. Then grab your knees and pull them up to your chin, keeping your head down. Slide back up and clap and clap and clap when your little darling had played the last sour note.

Don’t forget to tell your little darling how well she did on her solo.

If things go well for your little darling, you can sit up straight in your chair and point to your chest. Mimic the words She’s mine! She’s mine!

The kids usually get a snack at the end of a recital. The kids got a cookie last night.

Adults sometimes (but not last night) get a drink of punch and a cookie. You always want to be first in line for that.

That is the only good thing that can happen to you at a recital.

John T. Jones, Ph.D. (tjbooks@hotmail.com), a retired college professor and business executive, Former editor of an international engineering magazine. To learn more about Wealthy Affiliate University go to his info site. If you desire a flagpole to Fly Old Glory, go to the business site.

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Business web site: http://www.AAAFlagpoles.com

Is this really necessary?

Our extremely gay/nazi/communist band director than only the horns and like 6 other people like made an optional trip to see a bunch of groups play a variety of styles of Christmas music played by different people. It’s in an auditorium and a bunch of schools just go.

He said today you have to follow dress code. Then he is like no jeans, you have to wear kakis or dress pants. If you show up to school friday with jeans, your probably not going to get on the bus.

Is this ridiculous or what? Do you agree with me? I can’t stand him and its something new everyday and i thought this would be a semi fun thing out of band this year to enjoy. But no we have to all dress up and be all proper. idk its just gay.

It’s not gay. You’re representing your school, he just wants you to look nice and neat when you go out as a group.

Another great place to shop for Christmas Music Horns products is Amazon. They have more than just books!

Wilton Pink Panther Playing a Saxophone Sax Jazz Cat Music Horn Cake Pan (502-3902, 1982) Retired The contouring of the pan outlines the form and provides a generous backing to hold the cake. Crafted of quality aluminum, this bakeware heats evenly and keeps interiors moist while allowing surfaces to gently brown. Lightweight yet durable, it also retains its shape and transfers detailing clearly to the food surface. When the party is over, the pan cleans easily so there’s less time spent in the…

KOKOPELLI Southwestern kitchen COOKIE JAR canister and Salt & Pepper Shakers home decor $39.99 Put these seasoned performers on your countertop as they dance & play their flutes while hiding your treats. A fun decorative item to add to any Southwestern or Kokopelli Kitchen. A perfect storage place to put all your pipin’ hot goodies, snacks, homemade treats, or even doggie biscuits. Also included is a matching pair of dancing Kokopelli’s salt-n-pepper shakers that measure 5″ H x 2″ in diame…

Backatown $7.55 TROMBONE SHORTY BACKATOWN…

Warner Brothers Home Entertainment Academy Awards Animation Collection – 15 Winners, 26 Nominees $9.93 This good-as-gold compilation of animated shorts includes 15 Academy Award-winning cartoons dating from 1940 to 1965, including “The Blitz Wolf” (1942), “The Cat Concerto” (1947), “The Two Mouseketeers” (1952), “Speedy Gonzales” (1955), “Knighty-Knight Bugs” (1958), and others. The three-disc set also includes 26 Oscar-nominated shorts featuring animated favorites such as Superman, Popeye, Droopy,…

Their Last Time Out $8.44 All products are BRAND NEW and factory sealed. Fast shipping and 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed….

The Spirit of Christmas – A Concert Celebration (Featuring Phil Driscoll) (VHS) VHS FEATURING TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS MUSIC PERFORMED BY PHIL DRISCOLL IN CONCERT. COLOR/ HI-FI STEREO….

The Bill Horn Christmas Show from Lancaster County, PA We invite you to enjoy the traditional and contemporary sounds of the season as played and sung by T.V. and recording artist “Bill Horn” as he plays the fantastic new “Wersi Spectra” 700 CD. In addition to the great video and music, the show is enhanced even further with some beautiful pictures of “Lancaster County, Pennsylvania” in all its winter and holiday array. SONGS INCLUDED IN THIS VIDEO A…

Holiday French Horn Boxed Christmas Cards $11.00 This is a brand new box of 16 Christmas cards and envelopes The 4.75 x 3.75 cards, printed in Switzerland, are greeted with: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year…

Saponificio Artigianale Fiorentino Happy Christmas French Horn & Holly Soap Set From Italy 3 X 5.25 Oz. Saponificio Artigianale Fiorentino Happy Christmas French Horn & Holly Soap Set From Italy 3 X 5.25 Oz. This soap is handmade with large fleur de lis embossed in the center of each round soap bar. Fresh floral scent of verbena with no artificial coloring or detergents. Beautiful Happy Christmas banner with Holly & French Horn in a green gift box….

Fiddle & Horn Xmas Cards $10.00 Inside Message: “Happy Holidays!”Card Size 4″ X 5″, Printed on recycled paper..8 cards with envelopes…

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